Back To Reality

It has been quite a week. A lot of ups and downs for sure. As most of you know I returned to work on Monday. Ever since she was a few weeks old, I was very anxious about that day, and that moment I was going to have to say goodbye. Luckily Justin was doing daycare drop off, so I could say my goodbyes at home. I knew it was going to be hard and just as I expected it was. Maybe even a little worse than I had thought. I cried, and a lot. Most of the way into work in fact. I had to call Justin to pump me up into going into the office building. The morning is really a blur. I know we went to Starbucks but I don't remember one sip of how my gingerbread latte tasted. I just remember feeling like I wanted to throw up and couldn't think any thoughts of Sienna or the tears would start again. Somehow I made it through the morning and by afternoon I was starting to feel better. The day flew by and before I knew it I was back in my car heading to pick her up. When I got there she wouldn't take her eyes off me and starting cooing right away. It felt so good. Bahbita (our daycare woman) told me all about her day and even had a present for her. It was so sweet.

Sienna at her first morning of daycare.


I spent the whole night playing and cuddling with her. Tuesday morning came and it was still hard to leave but for some reason I felt a lot better about it. I actually enjoyed my day at work and thought this is definitely the right thing for both of us.

And now we are at Thursday. I am glad to be back at work but it's very bittersweet. I still hate having to say goodbye. And I hate that she comes home smelling like someone else. I look at pictures of our days together and my eyes still well up. Justin said it the best - she is going to her extended family during the day and gets to come home to us at night. It's so true. I know Bahbita loves her already and takes such great care of her. We are so lucky to have found such a wonderful woman to watch our little girl.

Everyone told me it would get easier each day and it has. Thanks to everyone for their love and support this week. It has been much needed and appreciated. Now it's time to figure out this new life of mine and how to balance everything. It's going to take some time but before I know it we'll have it down pat. And until then I have my adorable daughter that makes up for anything else I am missing out on and late for! :)